I am very upset with God

I am very upset with God.
No matter who I’m upset with, it’s never as much as I’m upset with God.

He said He loves all His humans and makes no difference between them; if a human is sad, God is sad too. But I saw that it was all a lie.

When the people who wronged me got their karma back, it didn’t matter to me anymore and it was useless. Not even a tiny bit of my hatred decreased, and I wasn’t happy, and I won’t thank Him either.

Many times I was close to dying, but God saved me.

I don’t consider that a kindness, and I’m not happy about it.
Did He keep me alive just to suffer and cry in front of Him?

Many times I said, if You’re tired of being God, stop giving so much pain.
Give Your place to someone else and go rest.

I used to say I’m never alone because I have God. But there was no God beside me, and I was alone.

Maybe many times He was watching over me and made me better, but either it was too late and half of my life was gone, or after that He made things a thousand times harder for me.

Right now I’m in the worst state of my life, exactly where I need God the most, but God doesn’t care at all, and I feel like He laughs at every single pain and tear of mine.

And I truly have nothing left to say.

I’ve been hurt a lot and waited for God to make it up to me, but God Himself hurt me too.

I no longer expect anything from God’s people when they ignore me, hurt me, and break my heart, because God Himself was like that.

And I am truly destroyed.

If I ever see God, I want to say:
Just as You ignored my prayers and my wishes, ignore my sins too.
Just that easily :)

I still love You, God, but no one can break my heart the way You can.
I called You cruel and heartless, I screamed that You are a liar, but I love You, and even though I know You hate me, there is no one else I have but You.
Even though I’m not important to You, and I feel that from the bottom of my heart